...often I arrive here and sometimes I am a real jerk...

I write things so self indulgent and narcissistic...

I generalise about people... I am manic and grandiose...

I am always manic likely hypermanic when I am here...

add alcohol and I drift terribly into a self absorbed dreamland...

dangerous and unstoppable typically my best attempt at living guilt free...

because I wiggle worm my way through reality pretty much with no idea...

but this is no excuse and definitely no reason for me to transfer my insecurities and exchange them for pretending I am better than my peers here.

I challenge myself to decide if this bad behaviour can be accredited to my mental illness...

or simply to bad character....

I believe it sits precariously at first almost half way...

above my fiery emotional chasm which I perhaps balance above

life and death...

but I believe suddenly that death shares more understanding with my damaged perception... than life does with my ghostly dreamworld

what I am trying to say is that...

it is my bad character responsible... for

I am sorry for my writing sometimes it is unhelpful and unfriendly...

I already know despite a dear friend pointing it out to me...

DM