Quote:
Originally Posted by HelpMe2013
I believe no harm was made because i have no memory of that happening , it's rough when these intrusive thoughts feel real , but deep down inside I use my though of " I wouldn't do that " thought to fight the "intrusive thoughts" and say to myself mentally that I am in control , I don't blank out mentally and create harm ,
It's rough you go to the restroom
And then hours later intrusive thoughts say you caused harm to the toothpaste
And I keep on telling Myself I did not do this .
I keep on telling myself I am in control of myself
And I would not do this act of harming the toothpaste
And to fight it off even better I tell myself i at this moment of I wanted to I would brush my teeth with that toothpaste , and I would eat or drink anything in the refrigerator,
And I tell myself there won't be anyone harmed
These intrusive thoughts / harm ocd feel very real and scary ,
And these intrusive thoughts created another intrusive thought that it is memory coming back , but I know I don't mentally black out and do things
But deep down inside my heart I would never harm food / drinks / toothpaste
It's just terrible having these awful thoughts
Please please everyone at " Psych Central " I don't have health insurance
Please let me know what I'm suffering with,
I want my normal brain back where there was no fears of purposely causing harm and thoughts like this....
It just suddenly manifested to this
Please help me please.....
|
...ok my friend... I will attempt to decode this terribly encrypted situation that you are in...
only because you asked me and because I care...
ok...
first of all OCD has it's roots in loss and abandonment
...and there is no extent that this emotional extreme will go to.. to make you blame yourself..
and soooo vulnerable and delicate and in unsubstantiated shame we will take the blame for everything and anything within our personal radius...
which has unbelievably shrunk to just our immediate life!
OCD hurts the most sensitive places in our heart...
we accidentally move from the living to the in-animate...
like toothpaste....
we transfer our feeble affection into such things we feel useless to love for real we lost that and it might have been sudden...
likely...
she wakes in the night afraid to kill her husband...
she is afraid to leave the house the room... she needs to be knocked out
she is not to blame...
she will get through this...
and the tiny tediousness and the intimate inanimate fears become simply an expression of someone who is perfectly aligned with how to love....
she discovers taking that away the shame of the peculiarities of her loving expression...
were designed perhaps and likely terribly but they are still perfect
..love DM