I'm up super late again and don't want to sleep. I'm super bad at identifying when I am depressed (I'm just bad with sad-type emotions in general, yayyy...), but I'm trying to be better about it. Today, I am depressed and it sucks. I really don't want to be depressed for Christmas, but it IS almost the end of the year, and I feel like I've done nothing. I mean, I HAVE done things, but the stupid voice in my head refuses to let me feel like those things were real things.

I'm just so tired of not doing things I should (like call my insurance to figure out what's covered therapy-wise), and not having energy, and avoiding all the feelings of guilt and shame. I'm really hoping next year will be a changing year. And not the changes that I can't look at and say, "Yes, that is CHANGE. Absolutely and for SURE."

...And this is the second post I've written for this thread and I'm trying to convince myself to post it and not give in to the voice in my head that says I'm just a bother. I really need to figure out a way to duct tape that guy's mouth shut. (Or maybe send some ninjas after him??? Anyone know some mind-ninjas?? Come on, don't hold out on me!)