I have progressed quite a bit with the help of acceptance.
And I don't want him back anymore cuz I see that he's proud of the decision he's made. And he needs to feel in control for once in his life. And I'm glad for him.
I'm learning to be happy for someone who has hurt me just cuz I love him.

I sure hope he was looking at self improvement websites and not how to get past infidelity. Cuz he's the type who will regret patching up later even if it is his idea.

I jus realised the NUMBER of times he has told me that he has forgiven me for my cheating. The fact is he never did and today is the result of his unforgiveness regardless of what he has voiced in the past.

I was hoping all these days that he get back to me. I was just hoping we both could forgive and move on. But I've realised that we can't do what other couples have managed to do. I was advicing my friend who's In a bad relationship and realised mine is no different and I cud use the advice I gave her to my situation as well.
Never been happy and he's never gonna change cuz he doesn't want to and simply put he doesn't care and truth being he never cared even in the past. He fooled himself and me all these years. Cuz if he cared her have fixed himself BEFORE I was pushed enuff to cheat on him.
I blamed myself all along but how stifling would it be for a wife to not be able to talk to her husband that she had a cancer scare 6 years ago and hasn't told anyone about it. That she almost lost her job for no fault of hers and disgraced in front of seniors and juniors alike. That she almost got raped when trying to find a solution to her husbands unemployment situation.
And alllll through this the only person I wanted to reach out to was him but he was busy being self involved.
Advicing her made me see how I need to move on from someone who will never change.

Bitterness and resentment will go away one day hopefully