Tomorrow would of been my brother's 45th birthday. I am so numb lately, have absolutely no feelings. Can't feel happiness when good things happen, like my friend that have been helping found out she doesn't have cancer after all. Don't get me wrong am so relieved that she doesn't have it....I am grateful for that. I haven't been able to look at his picture for more then a quick glance. I haven't been able to go through the scrap book of him for a year. It was my x-mas present last year from my step-mom and that's the only time I have looked at it.
I try to talk to him at night, it feels like a waste sometimes because I don't think he even hears me. I just miss him so much right now. I wish I could have one last smile, one last hug, one last moment with him. Maybe that would make this all better. IDK???

Thanks for listening and the feedback. It's very much appreciated.

Jen