Hello there! I'd like to share with you my story (cut down to the essentials) and ask a questions after that. I am sorry, its a long posting but I sincerly hope you read it I am currently 22 years old and in kind of a twist for more than 2 years now. I would say it started already in middle school (2002-2006). I wouldn't speak or be friends with the other pupils but was more intrested in talking to the teachers. In the first grade of middleschool I was above average in every subject, but beginning from the second grade my marks dropped, especially in math, where I had a solid A+. I was kind of silent, rejected from my colleges. Thinking now about it I could be described as a nerd (positive as well as negative). In the final grade of middle school (4th) I received psychotherapy from the school therapist once a week. In 2006 I started at a highschool specialized in IT (more correctly: programming) as well as Business economics lasting for 5 years and allows an successful student to study at any college/university he/she wishes. I've chosen this school, because I thought this specialty would fit well. I was mostly right. But again I started with the same behavior again: I didn't get in touch with my mates, but with the teachers. Well - I got mugged a lot, which was easy because I never joined a "cluster"/group in class. In the thrid/forth grade of highschool I revised my behavior and tried to get in touch with a few mates - rather not successful. In the forth grade, on a holiday after eastern (before summer) I should learn for the last math test. I was not able to. So I informed my doctor, who referred me to the school-therapist (which we hadn't one), finally finding some help. The psychologist said, after 90 minutes of talking, that I had a burn out. The exam was moved for me, and I was able to get it done. In my final year, we had a 2-year (4th+5th) lasting project (I was the project leader of one group) I recognised that I wasn't able to stay ahed of all tasks. I couldn't stay afloat managing and working the project as well as getting ready for the final exams (which are kind of a separete term, not in the 5th year). As it happens in March 2011, after a teacher has set me under much psychological pressure, I started to be suizidal. I went 2 times to the train tracks, but got away all by myself. Recognising what I was doing I organized help (sort of emergency service for psychological distress) which came by my flat. It consisted of a socal worker and a MD for psychiatrics. I told them my story, and they recommended that I come with them to the mental hospital for staying as a patient. My first diagnosis: F32.3 (ICD-10) - or in other words: severe depression. I missed the finals, didn't finish fifth grade and so I was at home the summer. In autnum I finished the fifth grade and attended (and passed) two thirds of my final exams.But I couldn't cut the rest. I rest at home, hoping to get better. In summer 2012 I went to the mental hospital once again (3rd time), by myself, and asked/begged for beeing admitted to the closed ward. I had, sort of, acoustical delusions. After 8 days in the closed section, I've been moved to the open ward. I released myself after feeling very well, very healthy (no manic episode!). But I received an aditional diagnosis: F20.0 (again: ICD-10) - a decease from the shizophrenic circle. But then the antipsychotics kicked in and my mental state is diving ever since. I had _no_ feelings whatsoever, I couldnt determ if I was sleepy or so, I was just emtpy. We changed the medicine from Risperdol (6mg/day) to Solian (400mg/day) but no effect whatsoever. So I went two more times into the hospital, the last one beeing the day-hospital. There the senior MD had three sessions with me talking about my future (essentially all what I wrote here) so that he could get a clearer picture from me. Beeing released again, I found a few changes at the release-sheet (codes again from ICD-10): - Other schizophrenia (F20.8) - Recurrent depressive disorder, current episode severe with psychotic symptoms (F33.4), currently remitted - Mixed and other personality disorders (schizoid, narzicist) (F61.0) That was three months ago. I just want to add one more note: Beginning around 1st grade highschool I only felt happy at school - I was mostly one of the first in school (over all!). But I never felt deep-down happy anymore, just short happy when I got a good mark/passed an exam. The questions I have: 1) Knowing my diagnoses, I am not sure if I can conclude my final exam. Its a battery of 5 tests in 4 days, all practical (IT, much to write), with 35 hours of exam time. Would you say I have any chance to get it done without prompting another psychosis? 2) A few doctors told me already that I have to expect that I can't work in the "primary" employment market. So I shall expect to work in, sort of, special jobs for mentally ill persons. What do you think about? I am very grateful for any reply and wishing you a nice christmas! rewin