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I've been living as a shut-in off my parents for the past 4+ months. Beyond that I've lived as a shut-in off and on for 2+ years spread out over the past decade or more. I've failed to get a degree, dropping out 6 times! I've had 2 jobs during this time and quit both due to anxiety and depression.
I feel a LOT of guilt, self loathing, and some anger.
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The idea of this thread is to list the things you feel guilty for. THEN to list the things that you feel angry about. These are specifically meant to be counterpoints to the things you feel guilty about. So not just anything that makes you angry but the things you feel you've had no control over, ways in which you feel you have been wronged.
Let's vent it all out in the open. Try to pin it up so you can read it then try to divest ourselves of this baggage!
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I feel guilty for "using" my parents all these years. I'm 31 and live like a 12 yr old.
I feel guilty that I never became the man I was "supposed to be" - successful, in a relationship, owning a house etc...
I feel guilty that I've used so much of my parents money. We aren't poor but it seems at times all I've managed to do is be a parasite.
I feel guilty that I've never made anything of my strengths, photography, math skills, writing potential etc.
I feel guilty that I haven't been a better son. That I haven't been a stronger person
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I feel angry that my parents tell me they love me and want me to be whatever I want to be. They tell me they'd be happy so long as I'm happy. And yet they clearly have an ideal that they really wish I was. I see disappointment in them that I don't live up to this. I've been flat out told by my mother since I've failed so many times that I should try to be a truck driver. Not that this is a BAD thing to do by any means but because in her mind that's all I can do. Well it's sad that you have failed so much, maybe all you can do is flip burgers. Not that it's verbalized but it's clear that's what she thinks.
I feel angry that my mother never showed me enough affection while growing up. She's always been somewhat cold. My parents NEVER abused me and always loved me but they had difficulty showing it at times. My mother rarely reciprocated deep feelings of love and affection. We held hands and were close but I can't ever remember being hugged or kissed once.
I feel angry that my parents tell me that on the one hand they accept me for who I am. That they would accept me no matter what I was or did. And yet they are constantly telling me to lose weight. They couch it as being for my mental and physical health, which is TRUE and they mean this. I have absolutely no doubt that they mean this and I know it would be better for my health. But I also see great disappointment and an inability to accept me IF I chose to BE this way. It's for your health, we don't wan't you to die young, we worry about you etc.. All true. But I can tell that they also couldn't accept a fat child if that's what the child wanted.
I am angry that my parents never sorted out the emotional problems between the two of them. Instead I've had to grow up in a household where certain 800lb gorillas just remain unspoken of. Money, my mother feeling inferior to my father, my parent's aloofness, you just don't bring these things up unless you want a huge fight. Did it ever occur to them that this has had SOME impact on me growing up? In many ways I wish they had divorced early on as they clearly don't really love each other any more.
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