Here are all of my symptoms; an excerpt from a website I once asked this Q on:
I am a 14 1/2 year old girl. Yes- you'll say its just my hormones raging. But I am not sure. Anyways, over the summer some things really began kicking in. I started randomly talking to this 17 year old Guy online from FRANCE and without anyone's consent was going to get a job at MCDONALD'S to go to France and meet this Guy who could be a pedophile for all I know. This went on for about two months and then I quit the idea. Also, I was majorly depressed on and off. I was having suicidal thoughts although I knew I'd never actually perform the acts! I could hardly get our of bed and I didn't leave my room half of the time. It was bad. I also rage- and its bad. I have triggers, like someone saying ONE little thing wrong or annoying me- I BLOW up and I black out, begin hitting my victim or anything near it and then, once I come back to reality I feel extremely guilty and I apologize about a million times. I get VERY VERY angry but I NEVER hold onto it. I am not a violent person by nature whatsoever and am very forgiving. But this is something I cannot control. Also, whenever I am speaking on a subject that matters to me or I feel like I have to be right in, I begin bashing everyone who disagrees and go into anxiety like attacks. The other day in class I had to ask to leave because I was uncontrollably calling everyone stupid and naive and I began rocking back and forth in my chair, holding my head and shaking very much. I was also crying. And then afterwards, I feel completely guilty. This is all out of my control or I wouldn't do it and it happens a lot. Right now I am slightly depressed. And I dread school everyday to the point of worrying about it the night before and on the weekends. I also have very rapid thoughts which cause me to yell and fight back and forth with myself. I developed a habit of pinching, hitting or smacking myself everytime I do something immoral. Also, last night although being quite sad, I was extremely hyper and tired at my cousins band concert and alternated between lying down in the chairs to bouncing up and down. I was laughing at every little thing and I absolutley could not sit still. Also, I am very tired all of the time. I can't focus on anything for long and although I am a pretty good student, never do my school work in or out of school. I'm very impatient and irritable also. I have trouble figuring out whether a thought is mine of just another crazy idea I have in my head. I get very over-involved and ambitious about my ideas and then suddenly lose interest in them. There's quite a bit more and sorry that was all over the place. I told my mom I need to go to the doctor but she says I can just control it. But I cannot. Also, my biological father whom I've met twice because of being abusive to my mom while pregnant with me is bipolar and so is my cousin (mild). This is stressful.
Oh yes, I also get extremely hyper and extremely fatigued/depressed at the same time. I have experienced this last night and all day today.
Forgot to mention- I went through these times when I was acting the complete opposite of my true self and my mom stated that she "didn't even know me anymore" it was very rapid. I was dressing sexually, trying to do crazy things, becoming interested in intense partying and to me- things that are immoral and evil. I would pretend to be high all the time and now I'm just all of a sudden back to my 'normal' self. It was so horrible and oh my goodness I hate even going back to those memories. I am horrid. I also sometimes have sexually intrusive thoughts and I'm not like that at all.... it goes against what I believe in.
More information:
I have bursts of positive energy frequently and especially when I am introduced with a new and enticing opportunity or a new idea is sparked within my mind. I take advantage of it all and go severely too far with anything I can get a hold of. I do have temporary states of depression- like I said. I fall in and out of it. I also become extremely hyper and extremely fatigued at times. I have been experiencing that for the last two days. I am fatigued excessively yet I still have boat-loads of energy. And then I just sit down and nearly fall asleep. I have taken several screening tests online indicating that I may have mild-severe Bipolar. And like I said, my biological father has it. And so does my cousin. Its on both sides of the family.
This is just extremely overwhelming. What do I do. I cannot show up to school tomorrow another day. No one understands I nor my symptoms and everyone plays it off as either hormones, exaggeration, or falsehood. I am so DONE.
UPDATE:
Symptoms that have been found in me:
-obsessive thoughts
-obsessions with researching certain topics/interest in things; then lose interest after a bit
-In and out of depression (bad episode over the summer)
-Sudden hyper-active moods
-extreme rage
-extreme violent actions (cannot control either of these; extreme guilt afterwards)
-Irritability
-Anxiety attacks
-Inflated ego when speaking on behalf of things (always think I am right?)
-Become overly involved with new ideas and jump at new opportunities but become obsessed and overly active in the event, cannot focus on anything but this idea/opportunity
-Frequent anything goes attitude
-Extremely slow to answer questions
-memory loss
-fatigue
-constant eating
-over the summer I was extremely interested in sex now I am disinterested for the most part
-I feel as if ghosts are around me and have to look all around me when in the dark to make sure I do not see anything
-over the summer while depressed I had extremely low self-esteem and now I am confident
-compulsive lying over silly things
-grades have dropped
-feeling of bugs crawling all over me and sometimes I see white things floating in the air when I stare for a minute
-sometimes inspired, optimistic, creative
-other times negative, pessimistic, stubborn
I have also experienced two episodes in my lifetime, looking back now that could be considered manic.
I also believe that I am either falling into mania and/or depression once more right now.
Last edited by FooZe; Dec 22, 2013 at 06:14 PM.
Reason: added trigger icon
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