I've been a self injurer since I was 14. I'm 29 now. I've gone over a year since I've cut. But this morning, I cut myself.

Honestly, it felt like the only thing that was going to take my mind off of suicide.

I haven't been suicidal since my teenage years... even with significant bouts of depression, and I diagnosis of Rapid Cycling Bipolar 1.

Two days ago, I found out that I also have Borderline Personality Disorder.

I also got divorced this year. Wrecked my car. Lost custody of my children. Recently got an ankle injury that needs surgery, probably within a few weeks, and I will not be able to return to work for at least 8 weeks. No work, means I also lose my insurance.

I am at a loss. A complete and total loss of how to move forward.

And so here I am again. The urge to cut has returned, and I feel completely unable to fight it.

I'm so tired.