Many of the feeling you are describing are shame rather than guilt. The difference according to shame researcher Brenė Brown is that guilt is a feeling about action and drives us to change or act in some way positively. Shame is a thought about who you are and drives us to hide away or get angry and defensive instead of changing.
For example:
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I feel guilty for "using" my parents all these years. I'm 31 and live like a 12 yr old.
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Guilt... You can do something about this starting now. In fact you are by acknowlegement.
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I feel guilty that I never became the man I was "supposed to be" - successful, in a relationship, owning a house etc...
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Shame. "Supposed to be" is a judgement about yourself and a comparison to others. This is not an unworthy state of being. What is successful anyway?
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I feel guilty that I've used so much of my parents money. We aren't poor but it seems at times all I've managed to do is be a parasite.
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The shame message is "I am a parasite". You change change the behavior. As long as you believe the message it will be hard to change the behavior.
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I feel guilty that I've never made anything of my strengths, photography, math skills, writing potential etc.
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Shame. What you didn't do isn't important. Where you are going is.
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I feel guilty that I haven't been a better son. That I haven't been a stronger person
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Shame. "I haven't behaved as a good son." Would be guilt. Acknowledge as you are now the behavior and you can do better going forward.
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