Thanks for your response. I know I shouldn't email or talk when I'm so badly triggered. I always end up hurting or angering them. And hate myself even more.

She actually just responded to the email. Said she would respond in a few days, thanked me for my honesty and told me she had a lot of thinking to do about herself.

I just told my sister that I had sent the message and her response was, why did I bring up something from the past that isn't happening anymore? What was the point of expressing myself.

I've been taught in therapy to try to get things off my chest when I can so I don't get more overwhelmed and self-harm. And I tried to be honest and hoped I didn't hurt her feelings. But the only thing I can deal with is the consequences, yet again, of something I said. And therps wonder why I don't like communicating my anger and feelings to others?