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Originally Posted by BNLsMOM
My husband won't touch me even when I ask and I hardly ever ask any more. He doesn't like when I touch him. I am starving for nurturing touch...
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BNLsMOM, I cannot even express to you how much I understand, relate to and empathize with you on this.
So painful. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this terrible hurt.
and
!
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Originally Posted by BNLsMOM
He says he doesn't know. We have talked about it in therapy for 5 years...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BNLsMOM
The confusing part is that he is not mean all the time and he even says that he loves me. I just don't feel it...
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I was thinking something, and as soon as you said you just don't feel it…that was the clincher. Now, we've both been here for years, so you know I am soooo not a person to go touting stuff. Especially stuff that has turned into some sort of of enterprise. SO! Sweep all that crap away -- all I really want to share is the very
core of the thing.
Are you familiar with the 5 love languages? The guy who put it together is of a religious bent which I do not share, and
still I totally recommend it. To anyone. It is a concept worth knowing. Religion, let alone any specific variety,
is not part of the concept, which keeps it useful for anyone. (And any other references outside the concept itself can be easily ignored. Or not, if that is your POV. Now, with that no-offence-to-anyone disclaimer out of the way...).
Basically, we feel/receive love when it is spoken in our language(s). If someone is speaking one of the love languages that
doesn't float our boat, we don't really feel that as love, and the other person is confused, wondering how they could be missing the mark. ('But I do this that and the other,
how can they not get it?!') So, you got it -- each person needs to learn what the OTHER person's language(s) are. And use them. We naturally tend to operate in
our own language because it's what comes naturally, and, well isn't it obvious? Isn't
that how to show love? Well, yes, but maybe not the
best way(s) to reach a certain person.
Anyhow, the 5 are *physical touch*, "*acts of service*, *quality time, *words of affirmation* and *receiving gifts*. Now, for those not familiar, no jumping to conclusions [
sex! materialism!] because they're much more encompassing than that.
Hopefully, this is of some use. I really couldn't say what you should or shouldn't do. All I know is that just off the mark communications can really add up over time, and spread into areas they didn't even start out in via resentments, etc. so this might be something worth considering, because it can really go to the root. In a gentle and sincere way.
Hope I have not overstepped.