I hate the holidays because my brother isn't here. Usually I am told "be thankful and celebrate for him!" which is a nice way of saying "well you're sad but I am not so suck it up".

No.

I miss him to my very marrow. I will not put on a fake smile to make others comfortable. If I am going to miss someone so deeply, I am doing so openly. Last year (the first christmas without him) I locked myself away to cry, cleaned myself up, and returned to my family.

I refuse to do that this year. I will smile and laugh about him and his amazing life, but I will also allow myself to openly miss him. I am not censoring my grief anymore.