Kick "self hate" in the arse, dear lady, it tries many of us sometimes, don't answer that door when it comes knocking.
I do not know what it is, age,therapy,loss of loved ones,etc. but I have made friends with myself,despite my weight gain,fatigue,physical appearance (use to be my main enemy)and do not know specifically how I did.
I hope and wish you'll stop being your own enemy and make friends with "you".
Losing "self-hate" can be so carthetic,allowing one self to let go of the past, and/or the very things that have caused or contributes to this nasty feeling.
I've found talk therapy rather with a close friend or therapist can help give you a boost in the right direction.
Don't allow this stuff to take over,and if you can't fight it alone, please never delay on seeking help.
You are a good person and owe it to yourself.

((((((((( Fuzzybear ))))))))))))