DM, don't ever be afraid of sharing your feelings. They are what they are, good or bad. Sometimes I'm so depressed it is hard for me to try and be positive for other people. It's just part of the illness.
I will say I'm sorry you use alcohol to dull your feelings. I've been there. It only helps for a little while, then you are left with the aftermath.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha