Quote:
Originally Posted by lightinthesky
I cheated on him once and since then I did my best to avoid men, I wasn't flirting or going out, I was feeling very guilty and because it was hard for him to forgive i didn't want to give any reason for him to be worried..
he could check my phone sometimes and do things like that, he was saying because i did it once it can always happen again, no matter how many times i told him that it was a mistake and i love him, was easier for me to avoid social life for our happiness together.
|
Yeah, and he probably felt justified in doing all of this, because so much of the literature out there about healing from an affair, mentions that the one who was cheated on, suddenly deserves every ounce of privacy given to them all in the name of regaining trust. So, you made a mistake, yes. It was painful to him, of course. Doesn't mean that suddenly the pendulum gets to swing in the complete opposite direction and you become imprisoned, so to speak for your mistakes. All in the name of transparency. Checking in every moment, accounting for every moment, handing over email passwords and phone call records, etc etc. It's not the answer, imo!! If anything, it can make the relationships 100% worse. As I am sure, you are aware, as you are becoming used to being single. How you were treated, post-affair, isn't fair, and the literature out there, appears hogwash, on the surface. Not conducive to a healthy re-beginning.
It will take time, to regain your ability to look a person in the eye! Give it time. Have you been in counseling, post-relationship?
((not that you need to , but hey, every little bit of healing work, can help you along to a better future, imo))