Trigger warning

What else to title this work of truth other than this
Tormented by my own brain forced to hash and rehash the same exact arguments over and over with no reprieve. I want to scream. I want to claw my eyes out with my finger nails and paint pictures on the wall. I can't stop crying. I want to crawl into a ball and never move. I'm tired of this. What can I do? My screams are caught in my throat I feel like I'm choking. Gasping for air as the wave drags me under again. I'm swimming like I've never swam before. The ground comes to a crashing halt under my suddenly crushed body, I guess thats what happens when you try to climb the walls. Can I paint the ceiling? Make it match my mood? Can youhear the trees talk as the wind whispers stories to them? What if we go run around the block a few times, it won't require a coat that'd make the run to hot. Maybe I should eat. Does a bowl of soup sound good since it's only about 20 degrees? Nothing sounds good. So instead why don't I get the scissors out and cut out fun shapes from the not so fun pieces of me? Tape them to the walls and scream at them then maybe is feel better screaming at a part of me.
This doesn't make any sense to me, but I don't know how to make me understand. Maybe I shouldn't have canceled therapy lady friday even though I don't have the money. I don't have the money to live let alone afford everything the drs think I need. Crap crap crap crap crap crap.....
Does this even make sense to anyone? Is it even in english?

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