(((bilbao))),

Welcome to PC, sorry your thread was not answered right away dear, this forum is very busy and moves fast so it can take some time to get a reply, also, I have a feeling many people are out Christmas shopping etc.

Oh, dear, you have a hovering mother there, in need of your attention way too much too. It sounds like your mother likes to be the Martha Stewart with all the answers to your needs and problems too. Well, it sounds like you have trained your mother to hover unknowingly and you probably "are' a good daughter as you say. Well, this is something you have to "wean" away from now because you just put your foot down and she didn't like that, didn't give "her" the control this time.

Well, some mothers don't really mean to be this way either, they just get used to being the "director" and when they do this they get an emotional "reward" from it. You allowed her to be close and you talked all the time and she gave you advice a lot most likely. I bet she has hardly any friends right? It sounds like you are in that role for her too. She wants that "comfort" of unconditional love and "control" too. But, she is not really "aware" of that you know. Her being jealous of a new someone in your life threatens her "special" relationship with you and that is what she is expressing to you.

You are going to need to set some new boundaries now, and you "can" do this in a nice way. For example, "Mom, you and I are good buddies and I really do like this new man I am seeing and I would like you to welcome him. However, mom, if you do not want that, then I need you to understand that you are "choosing for me" and that is going to affect our close relationship, because I "do" intend on spending my day with this new man in my life". You have most likely given her "power" over the years, and you are going to have to "slowly" dismantle that. Often we do not realize the "power and control" we give others over us until we come to a situation as you are describing. With that in mind it could be that you are just as guilty as she is and you trained her unknowingly. So, now you have a bit of work to do to "untrain her" or maybe "retrain her" now.

People are a lot like animals, when we teach them to beg at the table knowing when they do that they will get a reward, then we have animals that beg and bother us at the table. It's very similar with people too, often we just don't realize the bad things we teach them.
This is going to take you some time to "undo".

((Hugs)))
OE