I find it sooooo hard to shut up and take the high road when he provokes me.
Here I am minding my own business and doing 180 and he comes Along and aggravates me and when he thinks he's done puts on his shoes and wants to go for a walk at frikking 2 am. While I'm not done talking. When it starts to get uncomfy he leaves. Good on him. But [censored] for me!!
He thinks EVERYTHING I do is manipulate him. No emotion of mine is real. They r all manufactured to manipulate him. He needs to stop thinking he's so important!!!
He did something to TEACH ME A LESSON yest when all our marriage he accused me fro trying to teach him lessons. Where in reality I never have. And when I told him that he said "that's right u just manipulate"
I'm dealing with a man with low self esteem who has been fat all his life and a ginger(I dunno how that matters) and has been bullied and picked on by guys and girls alike all his school years. The stories he's told me are pathetic and rage invoking cuz I was the popular girl in school all along and I can't imagine treating my class mates the way he has been treated all his life.
No surprises I wanna be protective to him now.
But his childhood experiences. His depression and whatever the hell that goes on in his head they alllll make me the b@#*h to him.
I've admitted to him that I manipulate people so now he think I manipulate every time I say anything to him. There I was trying to frikking share my negative points with this guy and I get done for it.

We r frikking OVER and still he fights and storms out and accuses me o stuff.
One of His favourites.... It sounds like I'm lecturing him!!!
I do have an authoritative voice. I do, as a matter In fact hold a job that requires me to be so and have been all my life when I'm trying to make a point. Which is why when I am trying to convey a point to him I clearly say I'm not preaching and carry on talking. Cuz my tone IS preachy!!!! So I make an effor but with emotions involved I can't check my tone and THAT'S WHY I put up a disclaimer.
When I try to ask him something which FOR SURE I know he'll take it the wrong way. I give a disclaimer "I mean no offence" and go ahead with the question. And my firs language isn't English so there have been times when he's misunderstood my intentions in the past and pounces on me. So I make sure I tell him. Hey I mean no harm. I come in peace. When I can do that. He, Well he's just happy not to gimme benefit of doubt and has his golden chance to pick a fight.

I dunno what good alll this rambling is. Cuz finally mebbe I'm getting an outlet regardless of replies or advices it feels like SOMEONE is listening which I never had in my marriage.

So hard to 180 living in the same house. Can't wait for the 9th when ill be rid of all this.
One day if he has any frikking conscience and a brain he will see how he messed up. Or he can be happily oblivious thanks to his warped sense of reality.