Well, there's my answer then already, right? Is the same thing true for girls? Because there's been many people that I've liked over the years that I did NOTHING about whatsoever. What if he's shy or is afraid of rejection? Wouldn't that be an exception?

I mean, if there is absolutely no exception to that rule, then…

(Warning: the following will contain an insane amount of bitterness not directed towards you or anyone reading this post. ALSO MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERING THINGS…skip down to the asterisks to skip the possible triggering things and also to just get the summary of the following rant.)

…No one has liked me ever, at least not enough to actually try. Which means they're not interested if what you say is completely true. Well, definitely not male anyway. It's too bad I'm interested with being with a guy right now…as I'll never have that experience. I guess I'll just wait around until I become more interested in girls again.

What really bugs me is, sure, I used to look like a hideous troll, but I don't anymore. In nearly every place I go, I'm by far the best looking, most interesting, most intelligent person in the room or I'm pretty darn near the top.

But no matter what I do to improve myself as a person or improve my looks, it's NEVER EVER GOOD ENOUGH, is it?! Why even bother then? I'll just return to looking like a troll and act as mean and hateful to every single person I ever meet. And I'm sure as f—ing hell never going to ever tell anyone that I have any interest in them or even pursue them in any way. Hell, why even talk to them? If they don't come talk to me first, then they obviously have no interest.

Playing hard to get?! Why not play impossible to get?! Because if they gave a $*** they'd keep trying because every guy is obviously the same, right?! Well, I say, screw them ALL…you all think you're too good for me?! That you can do better than me?! She's only average size? F that! I have to have a girl model sized!!! She isn't a blonde with horribly dyed hair with a fake tan?! F that! I have to date what's popular! If she doesn't look exactly like every f—ing girl on TV, she must not be a girl…urgh, my caveman mind can't comprehend that. She must be secretly male…she has a lot of masculine energy anyway…she MUST really be a dude, which means thinking about her makes me gay! ARRRGGH! She said that she just had a relapse…which means she had some sort of addiction problem at some point in her life?! F— that! Even someone recovering from a problem should be avoided like the plague! How DARE she be honest about her past?! What an inconsiderate @#^%$!!! Wait, now she admits she can be bitter at times and has a temper! F— that! No $%^#& of mine is going to have emotions, especially negative emotions! How dare she think and feel for herself, without the man's permission! I don't want any drama…I want to date a doll, not a person! People have feelings and I can't handle that! And she has her own opinions and thoughts! Hell no—she has MY opinions and thoughts or I'll go date a #$&^@ who does. My ego can't handle someone questioning me. I MUST ALWAYS BE RIGHT! Or I will hurt you until you say that I'm right. And I will force you to do everything I want you to do. You're just an animal anyway.

**************************************************************

Summary:

I keep giving men more and more chances to not treat me like trash and they fail every time. If he has no interest in me, then why go on the first date? And if he was interested until the first date because I happen to have had a life before him that has caused me to be quite bitter and angry deep down…and I WILL ADMIT IT…then no one's ever going to like me. Especially if I dare to tell the truth. I admitted when asked to elaborate on my "my week was up and down" comment, that I had relapsed. But I'm better now. I'M BETTER NOW. But that doesn't matter. One strike you're out.

It's like guys can't stand that you had a life before them…and I've had way less of a "life" than most others my age…so no one will ever find me acceptable, especially since I have emotions and I dare to share them with people. I'm so glad I didn't tell him when he said something that hurt my feelings…I mean, it's not his fault I'm overly sensitive about certain things.