Quote:
Originally Posted by danvb
I.Am.The.End,
You said, "I just know that being open and honest is the ideal, but isn't a good idea with most people".
So... what you're saying is that you're OK with not being open and honest and genuine... and that you're OK being in a relationship with someone that isn't open and honest and genuine too...
And the reason for being that way is because being open and honest and genuine and being yourself represents some sort of unattainable ideal that just isn't a very good idea in the real world...
You reap what you sow... It's true. You get back what you put in.
If you think you can never be yourself with anyone, the person that you are will always be standing in the shadows, yearning for the sunlight... But, hey, being able to stand in the sun is just being unrealistic and stupid... so it's better and certainly much easier to continue standing in the shadows...
Right?
Dan
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To be completely open, honest, and genuine, should I tell someone everything bad about me as soon as it comes up in conversation? Because I certainly will not get that openness in return. Especially, when they will probably disappear when they find out that I have any problems whatsoever.
I mean, when they find out that I have problems with touch and having people close to me (physically…I'm better about emotionally), what are they going to think other than the obvious: Getting her to have sex with me willingly and comfortably will be difficult.
Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
The one thing I can say to be honest is related to my last situation with a girl. I finally did put it out there and asked basically what you're saying about if you're just friends or not. Well, although it turned out badly for me, that's just because of the type of person she is and how she handled it, all in all though, it is better that I found out before I got anymore attached to her than I was at the time.
If you're having such difficulties with initiating and its' not changing, you might just put yourself out there and take that chance. I say that after your last post because it sounds like you're trying everything you can to get past this wall and he's not taking the "bait" (for lack of a better word).
If he seems to be afraid to say that's all he wants, if you're upfront and ask what you are to him.. and he doesn't answer you'll kind of have your answer either way. If He likes you for more than a friend and wants to see where it goes, even a shy guy will at least say something positive about it, and won't leave you hanging.
After all you've said, I think this is the best route, although I know it's not an easy thing to do.
You can pm me if you want also.
S4
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I'm sorry that ended up badly for you. It always ends up badly for me, so I understand. I've pretty much learned that the fastest way to make an enemy is to tell them you're attracted to them or like them more than a friend. Maybe it's just terrible when I personally say that to a guy.
The problems I've been having with initiating is that I either refuse to because it just ticks the guy off and makes sure that any ensembles/classes/whatever I have with him are going to be miserable.
I'm afraid I still wouldn't get the truth…I've been lied to before just because someone was afraid of how I would respond to "I'm not interested"…although it was my fault that he felt that way. Still, I actually would expect a guy to say "sure" and then tell me he was kidding later on.