
Dec 23, 2013, 11:49 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: ...
Posts: 306
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Quote:
Originally Posted by always_wondering
I was fairly new to therapy three years ago. I had a severe intimacy problem with my husband and he was ready to end our long-term marriage. I had seen a few therapists in the past, but never connected and ended the relationships quickly. Then I met my T. I was very comfortable with him, and felt I could tell him anything and learned so much from him. The fix with my husband came quickly, and our marriage has never been better. Now, I have to deal with my attachment to my therapist. It's been a rollercoaster of feelings! Initially I really liked him, then I loved him, then I read up on everything out there and got over the love thing, and now I am just attached! It's really annoying because I don't want to spend this insane amount of money. I also grapple with this whole T/Client relationship thing. It's frustrating to want to talk to T (like he's a friend), but I can't because it's outside the boundaries if we are not in session. It's not a friendship I tell myself, he's like a doctor, I would not call my OBGYN when I thought of something funny?
So, in answer to your questions, did my therapist seem uninterested in helping me with my feelings toward him? Yes, kind of. I had so many discussions typed up and ready to go when I went into his office, but could never pull them out. So, I just said what I was feeling. I did not tell him I was in love with him, just suffered through that one on my own. But, I did confront him with my attachment/dependency on him and he explained this was due to my Mother's disassociation with me when I was younger. Guess I am going after something I never got in the past. This was helpful, but I wanted to get help eradicating this extremely annoying fixation on him. This is where he was not helpful! He would not go into full detail. I often wonder, is it because this is part of my therapy (torture if you ask me) or is it because I am a good paying client?
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Hello always_wondering-
Thank you for your response and for sharing your experiences. I agree with you-it is torture as far as I'm concerned. I did the same thing as you, I read everything I could find on the subject of the client/therapist relationship-although I wasn't able to eliminate my loving feelings for the therapist. From everything that I have come to understand about transference in therapy relationships I believe that the therapist's response, or lack thereof, differs depending on the therapist. In some cases it might be that they don't have enough knowledge to be able to be helpful. It may be that they believe that for the therapy to be truly effective it's helpful for the client to feel attached to them. It may be that they enjoy the feelings connected to knowing that people feel so attached or dependent on them. It may be that a therapist is experiencing feelings of attachment toward the client. It may be all or some of these things. It's nearly impossible to know because the answers depend on each therapist being open about their true beliefs and feelings on the subject of feelings/transference in therapy. All I know is that everything I learned about this subject I learned on my own, outside of therapy and while spending a great deal of time thinking there was something drastically wrong with me.
I wish you all the best.
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