Hi Brandi. First of all, congratulations for being able to honestly look at yourself, even if what you see might be uncomfortable.
I think it's important to remember that addiction looks different for different people. I never lost a home because of my addiction. I never lost a job because of my addiction. I never lost relationships because of my addiction. These are all things that a lot of people with addiction have lived experience of. And so early on in my recovery I always felt like I didn't deserve to be sober, or maybe I didn't really have a problem. But I obsessed about it all the time. My drinking and using escalated. It went from a place of being 'in control' to something that controlled me.
The red flag that goes up for me in reading your thread is that you mention looking forward to getting high, and using it as a means of escape. Those are generally warning signs of addiction/dependency. But only you can make that call.
I wish you all the best.