Maybe this will help someone --


In My Head

(the winter watr in my pipes are scary from my feet – under my feet --- the house under the house is the pipes and (insert 30 secs) they get froze and make a big pop whoosh! It so loud and scared it will happen again so I turned the thing off from the pot hole cover.)

Simple interpretation
It is winter.
It makes me anxious.
The temp gets below freezing sometimes.
I turn the water off.
Then no breaking.

In My Head

(S one popd the back house – popd! shot with a big gun. It grounded the floor on me. then hide uner the bed a long time. then sneekd my hand up to get my blanket and pllo. a long time ago till I the big I crawld out has been a copl days. then sneedk to the big cowch with 5 blankents to rap in nice up.)

Complex Interpretation
2 weeks ago someone shot several times to the back of the house. It scared the crap out of me and I hid under the bed. I didn’t know what to do so just stayed there. I don’t know – it may have been a day or so before I had the courage to crawl out. I went into the living room and just sat on the couch wondering why these things keep happening. People harass me all the time. What am I doing that is so bad people keep disrupting my life? No one around here knows me. They have no idea I wish them all dead, so they shouldn’t have anything against me personally. I won’t go into all the things they keep doing – it isn’t helpful and I feel like I’m just complaining. Lots of people likely have sporadic harassment and they seem to do ok with getting on with their daily life. I would like to stop being such a coward and at the very least stop letting them make me hide under the bed.

Putting it all together
2 weeks ago someone shot several rifle shots at the back of my house. I was scared but after a few days I managed to stabilize myself and get back on track. Then 1 week ago I just fell apart. Nothing specific happened. I just started getting really irrational fears that were basing themselves on real events that could happen. My pipes freeze sometimes and one time it broke open and make a really loud sound like a gun shot. So my irrational fear was that the pipes would freeze and shoot me in my feet when I walked over them (they are located under the house). I turned the water off from the main and locked myself in my house, boarded up the windows and doors. I see-saw from my scared little person to my adult (yet still irrationally scared) persons.

When I’m different, I’ve taken to writing in different color marker on my whiteboard. It has been a great plan – I can visually see the ‘moods’ I have been in. It isn’t easy to remember when I leave a mood what was happening. I kind of remember, but not with the same eyes – like trying to interpret a child’s drawing as an adult. We don’t have the same perspective. Well my perspectives change with each major mood and it is hard to understand that perspective when I am out of it.