Part of my own emotional problems are the internalization of the denial of reality by my parents. My mother was and forever will be a heavy pot smoker. Spending 500 $ a week on weed mainly for herself and a little for my dad. She never admitted she smoked pot even though ive heard her on the phone asking, found a weed bag in her room, smelt it on her 20/7, smelt it from her room, she even bought from an ex friend I had from high school. My mom would then tell me, "Oh, you think smoking weed is such a bad thing", when I never said such a thing. I cant stand her. Shes a food and drug addict that constantly excused her own behavior at expense of my own childhood. But this part of me is relentless. It says things that my parents would say - but increases in strength relative to my own stregnth, even beyond my parent's stregnth and im wondering if it will ever go away. Here are some examples....: im just making this up for attention. I just want attention. I just hate people who do drugs regardless. Im just a spoiled, snobby brat. Im just a wimpy, gimpy man who has no life. Im just playing the victim card. Theres something seriously wrong with me. Nobody will ever pay attention to me because im worthless. I will never be healthy. Im a stupid loser who needs a good *** whooping. I deserve to eat **** and die. Im a living virus to be exterminated through the slow and soft death of verbally abuse and sadistic practices. Theres nothing holding onto me but sticky, smelly, sewage slime that I created and its all my fault. Dont you see, I woke up wanting to think and believe this just for attention! The truth is this is what abusers want you to think and do so youre more easily.preyed upon! This is why its been so easy for strangers to target me to an extent!

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