You aren't any of the negative things you said about yourself. You re someone in pain. Keep going to therapy, write your feelings. I know what it is like to be abused (as a child and in a 31 year "marriage." I like the quote: "If it is to be it is up to me." All you can do, is keep moving forward and do the best you can. Don't allow others' opinion of you....define who you are. YOU do that. you get to decide who you are and who you want to be. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. If you can drop contact with the emotional vampires. Abusers are excruciatingly insecure and will do and say anything to bring you down. Those are THEIR issues and have nothing to do with who you are. Abusers use projection....what they are saying to you is really how they believe about themselves.