I used to go to my grandma's house every Christmas. All my cousins have masters degree and very successful careers. I dreaded it, as myself and husband are unemployed and just trying to get through daily life. I have lied and said we're in college for social work but in really we're working on our selves. Now that we're not doing that anymore it saddens me but I don't know why. I guess it because I've done that for the last 30 years. I learned last year most of my cousins were jealous of my little family. They have no idea how things are in my home but because my son reads instead of interact he's perceived as a well behaved kid. They hope that their children are like my son.

My psychiatrist says most bipolar patients get seasonal depression. Which means your probably not a failure but others my not tell you. Most of what you said sounds depressed. Are you in therapy at all? Maybe you can escape early?