I am sorry about that Newtus. I still have things that haunt me as well. I have seen visions of myself hurting or killing suicide or other versions of self harm. Right now the one that keeps playing over and over in my head is cutting crosses into my skin to ward off the demons. I have a friend that jumped over the overpass into the highway below and nearly killed himself. Please don't do it. If you think you are going to act on these thoughts, please talk to a pdoc immediately ( might be hard because of the holidays).

As for me its tough, real hard. I am crying daily, but what's weird is that with depression you usually don't eat and I'm overeating. I have no energy. The stress is immense. First of all, my grandpa is having a hard time, meaning his time might be up soon. He can't breathe and has congestive heart failure. He refuses meds or doctors to treat it. He's had it for awhile though. He has had several times that he nearly died and he still made it. I know I told you all that I am moving so that's still happening. My mom is not getting better from her bronchitis and I'm afraid if it last much longer it will turn into pneumonia. My dad is going in for surgery on January 15th. The last surgery was complete hell. It was on his hip, and he dislocated it a few times. Now they have to operate on it again due to the first surgery failure. Now my mom needs another back surgery which 100% of them became severely infected with near death experience. Oh yeah, house repairs. I think I told you this as well but will cost many thousands of dollars. My brother's SSI case is taking way too long because of this dumb judge that can't figure out things. I keep hearing how the stock (as I predicted) hits records everyday. It irritates me to no end. My brother also needs surgery and there is a possibility that I need surgery as well. It would be my first real surgery. I hear things nearly everyday. I see the demons constantly. Thoughts racing through my head. The hells that awaits my family. What is bothering me now is that i have a new doctor appointment on Friday ( I predict a phone call will cancel it) and I researched this doctor and she's rated so low that some people gave her -100 stars. First of all the place is closed on Friday. Then the note she gave me with the appointment time said "Friday December 27th, 2014 1:45 AM" or something like that. I have a feeling that she's careless. And that is who is going to be treating me????? I won't go more into what's happening now. My anxiety is high though.