Quote:
Originally Posted by lightinthesky
Yeah.. Once I found out that at the moment when we just moved in into our new apartment, he was flirting for weeks with some girls from Facebook (she was an often guest at his work), on the valentines day he asked her out but she said she is busy, once I found out it we had a fight and even then he said "you don't know what it feels like when someone betrays you" but because I found out at the start of their game, nothing more happened, few months after he started flirting and chatting to a new girl from work, they went on a few dates, kissed. It was too late when I found out about them, at that second time he told me "i wanted to pay you back and even then I couldn't sleep with someone like you did", I asked him WHY did you have to wait 3 years to pay me back? Why now when our life is only moving forward? How long were you gonna have her on the side? He said it is a mistakes and he was always feeling hurt and wanted me to know how it feels. I asked him once, do what you have to do for once and let's get it over with, hurt me as much as you like so we can live happy.
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You are still having a hard time, getting angry with him, over this? How much, of a factor, do you, personally 'blame' your age and see him, as forgivable for being an older man?
Oooohhh, or, I am wondering, since you mention being with a therapist...don't want to bend your mind, too much, nor undo any therapy with what I am about to ask, I'm just a patient helping another patient on this PC board...
In learning to work through your own stuff, learning personal responsibility and how it's not cool to 'blame' others for our stuff...are you taking that perspective on here, with your own ex? I ask, because you've mentioned not wanting to 'blame him' on a couple of occasions. Is your pendulum swinging too far in the other direction, where the things you are trying to control about your own emotions, you aren't dishing out accountability to others for their own poor behaviors?
Love, I get you choose to be loving towards this man. I get love. I get being in love. However, just because we love someone, doesn't mean that we 'never' get angry with them, nor do we not hold them accountable for their actions. To hold someone accountable is to show love!
