Well about to move into another 'anniversary' date. This one, the beginning of my deepest darkest depressed days, '88. Christmas Day.

In an ironic twist, instead of opting for my usual, stay home in my pj's all day; and partly influenced by scheduling, since yesterday's plans were scrapped because of the ice storm in Maine, and coordinating available days...down to visit my dad, tomorrow, if only for a couple of hours. ((oh, and because of the icky weather, and school break week...I'm ready to get my kids out of the house!! just ready))

Driving is cathartic, so that's part of it. I've been welling up with tears, during random moments tonight. Kids asked why we go driving around looking at lights, and I said, that I like them, and plus it reminds me of the times we used to with my mom, when they were much younger. I told them, that sometimes, I like to think about my mom, and doing this, is part of that.

Bittersweet, is how the holidays are for me. Utterly, bittersweet. I don't fake it with a smile and bubbly attitude with my kids, either. I am not hiding my pensive nature from them, whatsoever. Kids, this is me.