Quote:
Originally Posted by innocentjoy
1. When I was scared I reverted to acting like a child again, when I was angry, I would think of the world in different ways, and when I was calm and zen, it was like I didn't have any issues at all. I always thought this was how other people experienced life, and that I just couldn't handle things as well.
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2. They would hate it, absoultely hate it, if I tried.
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3. I can then reassure the part that [this isn't the same person, and they are not going to hurt us. Even if they wanted to, we are in a big group of people who wouldn't let that happen].
4. This is what makes me think that if you could find someone who specializes in trauma, they might be able to help you more than a general mental health support would.
5. Sorry this is soo long. I will stop rambling now.
IJ
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1. it is nice to know someone understands exactly what i mean. it isnt often to have that and makes me sad to realize i needed it.
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2. yes yes yes 1000 times
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3. this is where it gets tricky - my mind would think the person is sitting too close on purpose and everyone else in the room is in on it and wanting me to react so they can lock me up again. I was committed several times because of baiting and i dont trust anyone anymore.
4. from about 14-25 i was in and out of mental health facilities in 3 states both in and out patient. nothing ever helped. the only thing that has ever helped is learning and isolating myself. I am better alone, but when i try to interact with people everything falls apart. sometimes it is their fault and sometimes it is mine. but i just have bad chemistry with people. always have i think. the best medicine for me is online classes and having little house projects - i build some shelves, i learned to use power tools even though they are loud and scary... learned to do lots of stuff on my own and it makes me feel good. i dont even need validation from anyone because i have the stuff i built that works and is useful everyday -- but then i get this crazy streak where nothing is going right and even when it is going 'right' it isnt in my mind and people interupt my life at bad moments -- they get a bad impression and they start being mean and harassing me. the gun shots were real. people throw glass in my driveway. they blow their horns at me as they drive by to see me fall and cover my ears and sometimes i cry. they shoot pellet guns at my flower pots. they steal things off my lawn -- i had a really useful wagon and a few tools in it on my porch and it was taken when i was out back.
there is more but you get the picture. i dont seek people out, they come to me.
5. it wasnt long or rambling. i wish all my interactions with people could go so well.