I feel as if cutting is my only choice, my only release, the only way I can have peace right now.

If I were stronger, and knew I could only do it once...I would. I used a blade for 10 years almost...but haven't cut for the past 8. Not once.

How can I see this being my only option?

I am so sick of hurting, of feeling hopeless, of everything. I have nothing...nothing to numb me and help me feel at the same time.

I want to feel, I want to feel what I want how I want...and I want to watch it heal.

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