One thing that helps is I have learned to separate the thoughts that are my alters' from mine. I'm able to realize that even though the thoughts from my scared little girl seem real and are convincing, she needs reassurance more than she needs someone to believe her. If I can't get myself to believe what I'm telling her I will write it down, it seems to make it easier for me.

I'm sorry you've had so many opportunities to learn to mistrust people. I'm lucky that I never lost the ability to trust, and I've met some supportive people in my life. Not all people are good, but not all are mistrustful. Try and look for those diamonds in the rough. They are there, I promise. They're willing to take a chance on you. You need to get yourself to a point where you can take a chance on yourself in social situations. You may function better alone, but that is a lonely existence.

Have you ever looked into DBT therapy? It can help you learn to manage the extreme moods, and you can get workbooks to go through on your own. It might be a start.

So, the person in that situation sits hear you on purpose to bother you. We'll go with your thinking on this one. If it were true, I wouldn't want to give them the power over me to make me lose it in public. They are not worth it, and I'm certainly worth more than letting them feel like they 'win'. So, nice and relaxed, I'd move away, maybe to use the washroom, or to pick something up off the magazine rack, or whatever else I can find. Then, when I'm in a different situation, I deal with the trauma brought up by that. Does that help at all? Because there are many situations in life where people try to mess with you, or upset you or whatever. I don't like to let them win. And imagining how angry they get when I don't react the way they wanted sometimes makes it worth it.

Talk with your alters, you seem to have communication with them, which is great. I've been able to team up with some alters, and conversing with them sometimes makes me feel less alone, and I learn really interesting and helpful things. Some people have journals, kind of like your white board idea, where they can communicate. You can do this. Any new knowledge is a success. Any communication is a success.

Also, I wasn't suggesting the gunshots were not real. I'm saying that things that sound similar to gunshots are making you go back to the moment when they were fired, like a flashback. Once you've been in a scary situation, being in another similar one can make you have a more intense reaction. Another person may assume that a bang is just a picture falling off the wall, whereas your brain not only goes to gunshots but you know what it feels like to be there. Your body reacts as if it were a real threat, even if it's the water pipes making the noise. The reaction of fear makes complete sense given your earlier experience. But it doesn't mean you aren't safe, and it doesn't mean it is gunshots every time.

A trick I learned that has helped me talks about listening to all your thoughts, but not believing them without solid evidence. If I thought a certain person always said rude things to me, the one time they didn't say something rude, I would realize that it wasn't true anymore. Perhaps they're rude half the time, but they're not always rude. If a sound is like gunshots, I would want to make sure I knew whether it was or not before I would truly believe the thoughts coming up telling me I wasn't safe and that someone was trying to hurt me. Treat the thoughts as guides, to check out a situation, or to let me know how I'm feeling, etc. but don't treat them as the truth.

Again, this may make sense, but may not, as it's late. Hope you are feeling more comfortable. xoxo IJ

I will say one thing for mental health: when you find the right person, it is AMAZING. When you're stuck with people who are treating a diagnosis that doesn't fit, or treating you as a diagnosis, treating you as less than them in any way, or just someone who barely passed their classes, etc it is difficult. But there are really amazing therapists out there who could meet with you one on one, not commit you, and treat you with the respect you deserve. It's your choice to look for them, of course. But they ARE out there, and online support can only do so much.