I am sorry ~ it sounds like you're caught in intense feelings of inner turmoil. I can really relate to that! 99% of the time, I'm feeling major turmoil about something. It's crazy and I hate it.

I wish that I had some words of wisdom to help you. The only advice tat I can think of is to see a couple's counselor with your gf. You both need a place where you both can feel safe to be 100% honest with one another. And you just might need an open-minded 3rd party where you both feel safe enough.

Gentle hugs sent your way