No I haven't made a list. I have the same feelings as you when it comes to thinking that it will help them understand me better. Also,I do not want to admit to my birth mother that my fear of abandonment and other issues come from being adopted. I took it very badly when I found out. I know she did what she thought was right when she gave me up. And I never would've met my wonderful wife,may she rest in peace,and had the kids and grandkids that I have if she had kept me. But I have never been able to stop thinking about what my life would've been like if she had kept me. Especially since being reunited with all of them. I love them all very much. But I can't seem to stop thinking "what if"? And I resent not knowing my sister all those years. Me and my sis have become very close. They know I am seeing a therapist and i told them she has made a diagnosis but did not tell them what it is. My feeling is that my birth family would be ok with me telling them I am BPD and they would help me as much as they could. I think they would stand by my side and support me. My adoptive family is different though. Although I was raised in a good home,it was also a home where the men did not show emotion. If there was something wrong with you you kept it hidden. If you cried in front of everyone you were looked down upon. Men were not suppose to be sensitive. This made it very difficult for me,especially when it came to relationships with women. So I am thinking that NOT telling them would be the way to go. In fact I have not even told them I am seeing a therapist.