it's been a bad time these last few weeks. last night another storm came and i just couldn't contain the despair. i ended up beating myself in the head/face and cutting my arm up pretty bad. i supposed i should get stitches because a couple cuts are pretty deep and are still bleeding, but what's the point? i apologize if this is graphic, but self injury is graphic and i need to talk about it. after the blood came i could breathe again, if only for a few moments. i cried most of the night and spoke with my therapist, but the tears just kept coming. at least there wasn't another storm. today i'm bordering on numbness and despair. EVERYTHING feels hopeless. this illness (illnesses, really: multiple diagnosis'). those whom i thought understood i've come to find out don't. they were the last ones besides my therapist. i am so utterly alone. this has been going on for 11 years; meds don't help (i've been on almost all of them), ECT didn't help: had two separate course of 10 each. i'm losing my strength to fight this and i just don't know what to do anymore. i can't move.