Hi all -

My first post on this forum. Thanks for taking the time to read. I am not sure if an anxiety forum is the appropriate place but could sure use a listening ear and some advise.

I am 31 and all my life have been reclusive - but not a true reclusive. By that, I mean I LOVE people, I love going to work and seeing my co workers, I love having people over once a year for a party, I love being invited to small parties, I am super friendly - and because of this, from an outsider perspective, people assume I am a people-loving extrovert. But on the flip side, I can only handle people in small amounts. After a day at work, I go home and require the entire evening to recover. People just completely drain me. To the point my hands start shaking, I feel dizzy, I start getting reclusive at my house. As long as I have an adequate amount of time to recover because interacting with people again, I do great! And people never really see the reclusive side to me - excluding family. My grandma always told me I have a "store front personality".

Which brings me to the current issue I am having trouble addressing. To me, my home is sacred ground. I rarely invite people over and on the rare occasion I do they only stay for a few hours. We do not live near any family, at least until recently. My brother-in-law recently moved nearby and since he moved here comes and stays for a few days at a time. Particularly on weekends. I should state he is very respectful, and overall a good house guest. But his presence in my house is bringing my anxiety to unhealthy levels. I feel like crying all the time, I have no patience, my hands are shaky, and I feel like the walls are caving in.

After working all week, I absolutely NEED my space at home, to recover. My brother in law is in his mid twenties and a free spirit. He doesn't understand where I am coming from and my husband keeps getting stuck in the middle. My husband understands my personality 100% and respects it. He is great about giving me space and he really is the only person I can tolerate in my space (and my son, of course).

I don't know what to do about my brother-in-law. He needs to stop coming over or at least when he does, only stay a few hours. But anytime we try to set this boundary, he guilt trips my husband. And then of course call his mom who in turn calls my husband and adds to the guilt trip.

I think it is great my husband has his brother nearby to do things with and am not trying to come between them. I constantly encourage my husband to go do things with his brother but for some reason, it seems like residing at our house for a few days on end is the most appealing option. We have a cabin in the mountains so I can see why my brother in law likes coming but it is my space. It is my home. As selfish as it sounds, I do not want him here.

What do I do? I am at my wits end and it is going to start causing tension in my marriage - and extremely unhealthy anxiety levels.