My parents were oppressive, as well, so I think I understand you. Their love, if that's what you can call it, was conditional. It doesn't seem like love at all, and more like manipulation and control that serves them, not you. Very few people truly understand what unconditional love really means. I have come to forgive them coz they just didn't know any better, nor did they care, for that matter. It took me a long time, though. Perhaps, you could start by realizing that your grandma got her attitude from her parents, and she really isn't to blame, but that's not to say that you should quietly accept all that crap. This is your life, not hers. Anyway, she must have some redeeming qualities.