"Normalies" ... Jijiji

Well, it's good that you are able to have some sort of social interaction. I don't know why, but I have the feeling that your ability to have loose friendships or romances is more of an attempt to keep up appearances than anything else. Sometimes everything looks great on the outside but can be completely rotten deep down. It's just easier to keep going if no one notices.

Have you ever thought of telling someone in your life about how you feel? Enlisting the help of someone you know could give you some perspective on your own behavior towards women. Also, if you can it would help if we knew where that low self esteem came from. In any case, remember that for most people it's really hard to find someone meaningful. People get divorced, they break up, blah blah.... I've learned not to impose any expectations on myself regarding my love life, everyone is different in that regard.