I cannot truly relate to depression so I apologize if my response comes off cold or insensitive. I do , however, relate completely to anxiety and having feelings those closest to me cannot relate to.

My personal opinion is that you should NEVER marry until you are 100% ready. I feel I am in the position I am in now because I jumped into a marriage. Better to settle with a sure thing that is good than grow old alone, right? WRONG! Your depression will most likely only get worse after marriage or at the very least stay the same, which will not create a healthy marriage.

One thing important to know, sometimes people love us or see things in us we don't see in ourselves - and those are the things that attract them to us. I am one odd duck and I know it. But for some reason I work for my husband. He tells me all the time he loves my crazy - not even sure what that means. But he also understands "my crazy". It sounds like from your post your girlfriend doesn't truly understand you.

Doing what you need to do to feel better about yourself and your situation is top priority. Marriage should come only after you have figured those things out.

Regardless of what you do, know there are tons of people who can relate to you and your situation. You shouldn't feel guilty for being you, you shouldn't feel ashamed for being you. All of us have room for improvement. All of us have some inner demons. Most importantly, all of us are unique. I hope in your life you are able to come to terms with who you are, understand yourself better, and ultimately recognize your uniqueness is capable of truly great things.