Thread: Pending divorce
View Single Post
 
Old Dec 25, 2013, 09:48 PM
brokenhrt52's Avatar
brokenhrt52 brokenhrt52 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: rancho cucamonga
Posts: 27
Livelivelearn1986...
Oh my goodness what a nightmare you have gone through (and the kids)...
I too age 16-22 was in a VERY ABUSIVE, toxic emotionally and physically ABUSIVE relationship with a older man 14 years my senior he was AN alcoholic and did drugs in addition. He was a control freak and literally had to know where I was and what I was doing every moment of the day! I worked anywhere from 2 to 3 jobs... 7 days a week because he lost his job and said he was looking for another job however come to find out he was hanging out in bars drinking and having affairs with all these different women... all with the money I worked so hard to provide. He also had 3 children which I completely loved and adored. I would pay his child support and by the children school clothes and other items they needed! He would consistently put me down tell me I was that fat and ugly and nobody wanted me the but him and I was lucky that he even wanted me ...that I was a loser and worthless and the list goes on and on....
But then at times he would be loving... I found out the pattern was usually when he wanted me to work a lot of hours so he could obtain something he wanted financially! I remember so many times his children watching as he beat me till I was black and blue blood everywhere ... kids screaming at times he would beat me till I was unconscious yet I would always come back I'd leave for a day and he would beg me to come back he"d tell me how sorry he was that it was the alcohol and he was going to stop drinking ... just baby please come home...
I'm just struggling cause I don't feel good about myself and not having a job that that that that that that...
Blahhh blahhhh blahhhh
I too was continually raped by him...
Arrrrr... It was madness...
It took me to move some four and a half hours away from him to find me finely break the hold and crazy crazy addiction I had to him I kept thinking I could fix him if only I could stop them from drinking and mend his wounded soul... yeahhhhh right...
I believed everything that he said how he brainwashed me ...about.... I believe that was worthless I believed that I was stupid and ugly and fat even knowing I was 5'7 and only weighed to 130 pounds......
I knew one day if I didn't leave I would be dead. Because of my experience with him I too had/have many many issues trusting especially man...
You're going to need to really really focus on yourself... your children and healing your wounded soul before you can really give yourself and be emotionally ready and available 2 a relationship...
I know that it you're lonely and you just want that feeling of an other humans touch and potentially a relationship I got the part about making love that is more of a relationship rather than just sexual comment...
However if you just jump into something now with out the proper healing and work you're more than likely gonna find a same type a relationship you just got out of because unless we grow and learn from what we stayed in ...we just find the same kind of relationship! I too am lonely and want that companionship that feeling of having somebody next to me that intimacy...
But I don't want to sell myself short and be intimate with somebody just to feel in that void... loneliness because ultimately when I look at myself in the mirror. .. I will not like what I see or feel...
But that's me ...
so proud that you left your oh so crazy dangerous situation and will be praying for you!!!!
How old are your children... How have they been affected by all of this?
Hugssssss

Peace be with you!
__________________
Brokenhrt52
Hugs from:
healingme4me