Yeah, the things that I really need to do are the only things that motivate me lately. And it's not so much actual intrinsic motivation as knowing you have to so begrudgingly doing it. I am not devoid of feelings like a schizoid, but I think there may be other things wrong me... maybe mild asperger's or a schizoid-ish defense mechanism of apathy, because I have taken really bad care of myself for many years now... like a few months back I didn't take a shower for 7-8 full days (normally maybe every 2-4 days unless I have to go to some event).

I don't brush my teeth regularly, like probably 4 times a week on average but sometimes not for 3-4 days straight. Somehow I rarely get cavities though.

And sometimes I just don't eat if there's nothing around that sounds appetizing, and when I am eating an appropriate volume of food I generally eat unhealthily.

I just don't have the motivation and don't seem to care. Maybe it's just depression, but even when I'm feeling kind of hypomanic (go through phases like that, although not sure if I'm actually BPII) my energy is focused only on a particular task and I still don't seem to care about basic hygiene or other "life upkeep" things that everyone else just does and doesn't think about.

Maybe it's the classic semi-subconscious reason for avoidants not to make themselves look good, to prevent other people from approaching you or whatever. And maybe it's just depression like many people would say or assume, but it's not just when I'm feeling especially down or anything and I never let the 100% necessary things derail my life (earn money, pay bills, pay rent), which someone with major depression would presumably do.

I know I'm getting somewhat off the topic of motivation, but it all goes back to only being motivated to do what I absolutely have to in order to pay rent, stay alive, and sit on my ***** in relative peace. I think I just have no dreams or aspirations, no vision for a better future, no compelling reason to try to improve anything at all. I'm guessing you guys don't experience this because it's not a typical AvPD thing, but thanks for listening to me rant about it.