It is always hard to disclose abuse but it often makes things better - letting the secrets out. Hindsight is always a great thing but try not to be too hard on yourself. You did what you thought was best at the time. You never should have gone through any of this.

The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself now. As hard as it is, talking to your T is probably a good step. They can help you work through it.