I met this girl called 'K' a few years ago and felt an instant connection with her. We kept on bumping into each other through our mutual friends (my sister and bro-in-law). We'd chance across each other every few months or so, and every time we met I felt that same connection. The problem was, I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and tried my best to ignore it. However every time we ran across each other my heart would skip a beat.

It's hard to say, but I got the impression that she liked me too. My now ex-girlfriend certainly thought so, as every time I headed out to visit my sister, she would start asking stuff like, "Is that girl who's always flirting with you going to be there?". Not just that, but when ever we'd meet, we'd always end up sitting together. She'd always be smiling at me and stuff like that too. Also, because her boyfriend didn't like going out much, and my girlfriend didn't like it either, more often than not when we did meet, it would have a bit of a "double date" vibe to it (at least in my eyes).

I tried to foster some sort of deeper friendship with K: swapping numbers; sending a couple of texts; even asking if she wanted to go see a gig once. But nothing ever came of it and the effort was very one sided. I'm not sure what that means really? It might mean she just doesn't like me as much as I like her. She did have the perfect chance to get to know me better once, but she passed on the opportunity for reasons unknown.

Anyway, I'm going to cut this short. The other night I was around my sisters house while a couple of her friends were around. They started talking about K and how she had left her boyfriend. Instantly I was on full alert mode but trying to act all nonchalant (no one must ever know!). The next day I was around there again and my sisters phone goes off. She turns to her husband and says, "That was K, she's saying she wants to come around for Christmas because she's got no one to spend it with".

So yeah, this girl who I'm secretly in love with is now single and I'm going to be spending the whole day with in a intimate setting. I'm guessing that a lot of people would be thinking this is a good thing, but for me it's pretty terrifying. I'd gotten used to the idea that she was unavailable. It was easy. Now... hell I don't know? I'm feeling all pressured and anxious and I can see this big heartbreak looming in the horizon. What I would like to happen is to come out the other side of Christmas knowing the next time I'm going to see her, rather than waiting for that random chance to brings us together like usual. I don't know how to do that however?