I was officially re-diagnosed today with BPD. I was diagnosed 6 years ago with rapid cycling bi-polar 1, but it's never quite fit.

I started with a new psych today, and I had read about BPD before going into the session, so I wasn't surprised when he said the words. When I first considered the possibility a few days ago, I was overwhelmed and very depressed. I thought the diagnosis was basically a death sentence. When I actually talked to the doctor today, and he confirmed what I thought, I wasn't overwhelmed, I was actually kind of relieved. I realize that doesn't make a lot of sense... but it's like so much of how I feel and the things I've done suddenly have an explanation. And, contrary to my first impression, it has occurred to me that instead of being a horrible thing, knowing what I'm dealing with might actually be the first step to finding some stability. I've been going after the wrong demon for a long time... just maybe... I might have a chance this time.

Maybe.