Dalila,

I hate the phone too, that's why I initially read your post. What I read was heart-breaking; I'm so sorry. I believe you.

I went through something similar, it was my uncle. These things don't happen in a normal family, meaning that the perp., in your cause your step-father, picked up on the vibe that you were vulnerable, would probably not be believed (*not because of you but because your other care-taker was sleeping at the wheel*), and that you'd be likely not to say anything (again, not because you "secretly liked it," you were a child and unlikely to tell for fear of. . . . well, what eventually did happen.

I got that too. Was I sure? It was probably just innocent, I'm so dramatic. I told when I was 17. It started happening when I was 11. So, my mother did the logical thing (being venomously sarcastic here) and asked the pedophile, "Is this true?" He denied it (shocker!) and his wife picked up the other line and said "You know she's a liar, a druggie." True enough, I was a druggie. But I wasn't lying. My father went nuts, the police came and my father blurted out "she's been %#@&#! her uncle."

Once it was established that it happened (my mother needed to hear it from her brother's mouth on his death-bed, I still don't know if I believe her, though, that he admitted it), it was "not that bad." I actually remember my mother telling me to get over it, it happens to most girls.

Most girls aren't her daughter. I'm 36 now, and I think about it all the time. Not just "it," but how it was handled. Like I was the one to blame.

It wasn't my intention to add fuel to this fire. I hope I haven't. I just want you to know that this is par for the course. It doesn't mean you lied about it, it means they don't want to believe it. You needn't talk about this any way with any one if you don't want to. You know the truth. You don't need to convince anyone. I hope you're taking good care of yourself. This is hard, but the hardest part is over.

If I were you, I would tell everyone that you've been advised not to talk about it by a therapist, and will no longer subject yourself to an interrogation for a crime. you. did. not. commit.

You're seeing your therapist tomorrow, right? You're in my thoughts. PM me anytime.

Peace,
E