Quote:
Originally Posted by mycroft1895
First, I have a serious self-esteem problem. Intellectually, I can recognize many great things about myself and that people appreciate me. Emotionally, this makes no difference. I go back and forth between hating myself and feeling nothing at all about myself.
Second, I'm 37, never married, and have never had a romantic relationship or felt a meaningful connection with another person (except my nephew who just tuned 4). I don't seem to fit any of the categories that such people are usually put into.
I've been in love once, unspoken and unrequited. I am outgoing (ENFP), Mensa-level intelligent, and have no trouble approaching, talking to, being friends with, or having sex with women. I've had dozens of short term partners and lots of female friends, but never have the two overlapped.
Lots and lots of times I have pursued romance with someone, but it always gets to a point where she seems to sense something she doesn't like, and I get the "you're a great guy, even the most amazing person I've ever met" (on a couple of occasions), and "someone will come along for you, you're a great catch" speech.
I also have trouble with friendships. I have lots of friends, but nothing approaching a best friend, and I am almost always the one who initiates contact to do something.
I had serious problems with recurring depression from age 17 to age 32, and have been in "remission" for 4 years now, but I'm still cripplingly lonely.
My weight as an adult has also fluctuated greatly, but I have never had an issue with substance abuse (other than sugar/food).
Any ideas on where I should turn?
Even the slightest bit of help would be greatly appreciated.
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I'm not sure how to reply to your post as it is somewhat confusing. Maybe if you can clarify what the problem is with people, I can better get a feel for what you're saying.
You say you have a serious self-esteem issue. Where "self-esteem" itself is an issue with self respect and feeling confident in one's own abilities, you seem to have a good amount of it in spite of saying this. Can you clarify where you have an issue with self esteem? You mention your intelligence more than once here, and even mention it being "mensa-level" but recognizing that seems to go against my understanding of self esteem.
You also mention you have no problems with talking to people, are an extrovert and have had multiple casual encounters with women so I don't think you're saying you have a self confidence problem either.
Please understand, I am only looking for more clarity from what you've said. You seem to be able to interact with people, you know you're smart, you're not an introvert or socially awkward person so is it that you keep people at a distance and don't allow them to know you more closely maybe?
I'm not minimizing your problem, I just don't think it has to do with self esteem nor self confidence, it has to do more with emotional attachment, so I ask you what do you think keeps you from really geting attached to someone emotionally?