I have a history of csa since age 7 to age 12 that I remember , I dont remember any ages prior to that. Im doing trauma work for a couple of months now. My biggest illogical trigger since I can remember is new years eve, .

2 or 3 days before I start getting the frenzies, here are my symptoms:
Anxiety, fear, wanting to hide, someone is approaching, wanting to cry, nauseus, pain in places I cannot mention, a sense o heavyness on me, guilt. And not safe.

I went to see my t today and ii told her, because I couldnt hold it in anymore, she told me its most likly something from my past, but all I can remember is my parents use to give me alcohol and send me to bed, I was not allowed to stay up on new years eve.

she created a safety plan for me, my t will call me on new years eve and she set up the crisis center to call me the day before until the 1st of jan. She also told me she wished she was trained in emdr.

this fear is so illogical