Hi all,

My depression is worse now than it ever has been, and I have tried for quite some time now to "snap myself out of it" and "just be happy," but nothing has worked. I'm even at the point where I'll sometimes burst into tears in the middle of doing things that are SUPPOSED to make me happy like exercising or trying new things or spending time with my friends. I have been on antidepressants in the past (from early 2006 to late 2007) but I went off them because I was arrogant enough to think I had "beat" depression and didn't need them anymore.

Anyway, my question is, how do I go about talking to my doctor about my depression/going back on antidepressants? It's just such an awkward thing to talk about, especially since I switched insurance companies and now I have to go to a whole new doctor that I've never met before. I have so many fears, like what if I start crying and he thinks it's all an act just to get my hands on some pills, or what if I go through all this just for him to say he can't write me the prescription for them, or what if he tries to preach that I need therapy too? (I cannot afford to see a proper psychiatrist nor can I afford therapy. But antidepressants alone have helped me immensely in the past and I believe they will help me again.) I haven't even made my appointment yet because I'm too nervous to call and make one. (Actually, I tried to about a month ago and when I had to tell the woman on the phone my reason for appointment I started crying uncontrollably and I could barely even get my words out, and in the end they didn't have any doctors at that place that were accepting new patients anyway, so it was all in vain. Talk about discouraging... after I finally admitted to myself and to the random lady on the phone that I needed help. ) I keep getting tempted to just give up and try to get through this on my own without antidepressants but well... I've been trying that for years and my depression just keeps getting worse.

Thank you for reading. Any and all advice is very much appreciated.