Good for you for wanting to work on yourself so you can have happier, healthier relationships (even with yourself!). It is a long road you are embarking on, but it is soooooo worth the effort and time.

I think the most important thing I realized over the years was that holding anger for so long against someone was so counter-productive to living life. It can consume a person to a point where nothing else is thought about.

What I finally did that helped me, and it may help you or anyone else struggling with this issue, was to realize that even though I was hurt, I'm angry, etc. there was a lesson to be learned from the experience. For every lesson learned, we choose to either make it a negative lesson, or we can make it a positive lesson. As soon as I made the lessons, positive in nature, I found the anger and frustration and hurt would melt away.

As an example: My first husband was physically and verbally abusive towards me. Now, I could take all that time that we spent together and say I wasted it and be angry and resentful, or I could take the lessons that the time taught me and turn it to a positive - From now on, I will watch for the signs of abusiveness from an individual and I will CHOOSE not to allow myself into that kind of relationship again.

By doing this, I allowed myself to feel the pain, anger and hurt, but I didn't allow myself to close myself off from other possible relationships. And, I can say that I have been able to forgive my ex for his transgressions towards me. It doesn't mean I have forgotten what he did, just that I can live with the memories without being upset anymore. I don't own his abuse, he owns it. I have nothing more to feel angry or resentful about.

I wish you all the success in the world Jax!

Hugssssssss
Jean